Kis·met

This Valentine’s Day is the first one my husband and I have spent apart since we met.

I love to tell people that I met him in a bar (because clearly “good” African girls don’t do that! Ha!!). It was more like a restaurant come cocktail lounge during a birthday party we were both invited to by different people. He caught my eye almost instantly but a girl has to play it cool right, so I sat near him but avoided eye contact and spoke to other people first. As the evening went on we got to talking, well flirting really and somewhere in there we exchanged numbers and the rest as they say is history…

Don’t Awaken Love Before It Pleases

I was single for much longer than a “good” African girl “should” be… I met and married my husband in my 30’s.

To give context, most African girls marry in their very early 20’s, it is believed that securing a husband and a home is part of the ‘critical path’ towards womanhood and it must be prioritised.

When I was 25, (the age at which I had planned to be married) I had completed my degree and had a good job and a nice flat and all that was missing, I thought, was a husband to kickstart the next chapter of my life. I dated, but never met anyone who was serious about me or whom I was serious about at the same time. It was a confusing period in my life and I remember praying for a husband and children almost round the clock. The danger in being fixated on anything especially something so life altering is that you have a greater propensity to make big mistakes, Huge even!

I lived abroad throughout my 20’s and remember always saying I didn’t want to raise children there yet I worked overtime to try and create a life there, silly really.  I remember making the decision to move back home, it felt so right. I was 29 and ready for a life change.

I was ready to be part of the solution in my own country rather than investing another decade building someone else’s country… Being a foreigner is harder that it first seems and far less fulfilling than portrayed in the movies! You always feel like you don’t really belong. In the space of a month I made the decision, handed in my notice at work, told my pastor and packed up my flat into a shipping container and bought a plane ticket. Three months later I had set up home in a charming cottage and had resumed my residency on the African continent.

Six Degrees of Separation

Growing up my best friend was a boy! He was cousins with this girl in another school who I just couldn’t stand – We had so many friends in common it was insane yet we just didn’t get along. Fast-forward to my twenties, we met abroad and through a set of difficult circumstances we became more than friends, we became sisters. She married a guy, one of our fellow countrymen, a couple of years before I moved back home and he became family to me instantly. Within 6 months of my return to the continent they came over on holiday and introduced me to a man… This man then went on what ended up being a 2-year on again, off again, campaign to win my heart…The night I met my husband, I was meant to be out on a date with this man. In the 2 years I had known him he had failed to entice me into a relationship with him. I was only out with him that night becauset a friend had dared me not to say no to any dates for 30 days and I had accepted. As Sod's Law would have it, this man resurfaced and invited me to a party the following week! He had another friend who he had invited to the same party and that person decided they didnt want to come alone so by chance asked my now husband if he would be his wing man and tag along. This scenario got me thinking about the theory of 6 degrees of separation....  

When I track how we me, there are in fact six people that connected us (plus two hemisphere moves…) as follows:

(1) My best friend linked me to;
(2) My Girlfriend-Sister (ex-mean girl from school), who linked me to;
(3) My brother-in-Love (her husband) who linked me to;
(4) The Man... (Friend to my sister's husband) whom through his invitation to;
(5) The Man's friend (who needed a wing-man), I met
(6) My Husband (The Most Beautiful Man of them all!).

“Six degrees of separation is the theory that any person on the planet can be connected to any other person on the planet through a chain of acquaintances that has no more than five intermediaries.”

He Loves Me

A couple of days after we met, he called me and asked me what I do after work and I said, ‘I go home unless a beautiful man invites me out for a drink…’ and he said to me, ‘Can I be that beautiful man tomorrow night?’ and that’s how we ended up having our first official date – A whirlwind romance ensued and nine months later we were married.

 After a decade of failed relationships in my 20’s I did not escape unscathed and was more than a little sceptical and very distrusting of men. Once you have kissed a couple of frogs and they have remained frogs, you lose your belief in prince charming and happily ever after… you even begin to doubt love…

My husband was a shock to the system. He made it clear from the get-go that he was into me – He courted me in the traditional sense of the word and proved his love in a million ways. I have never known tenderness and kindness in the way he gives it… He made me believe in ‘happily ever after’ and awakened a love in me so deep I knew I belonged with him...I see now with gratitude, the importance of not ‘awakening love before it pleases” because love truly is beautiful in its time…Our love story and the babies that have come along to complete our family  validated the wait and have completed me…Hindsight brings great insight on the journey we have travelled and if we learn the lessons it can help direct our future path...

So, this Valentine’s Day as I look back on our life together I am filled with thankfulness and excited about spending the rest of my life with this beautiful man…

Happy Valentine’s Day My Love xoxo

He Loves Me... He Loves Me Not...He LOVES ME!